Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
