I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
