Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
