my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
