Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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