New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
