the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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