yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
