Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize