I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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