smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
