careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
even my farts smell like vagina
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
he just fucked me for my cheese..
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
