My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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