So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
