After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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