yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
