i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
