dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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