So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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