dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
