I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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