It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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