I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
