Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
