Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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