mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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