Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
