I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Randomize
