I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
