I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
