Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
