Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
