that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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