Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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