I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
