She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
