I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
