we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
