I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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