he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
