Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
