Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
