I want to walk on stilts...naked
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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