And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i was born a porn star she said
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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