the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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