yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
