I cannot find my penis.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
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