I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
