Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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