my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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