Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
