sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
