She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
