sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
