You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
