Please, let me fuck your mom
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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