You're completely useless in the revolution.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
