We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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