do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
