I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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