What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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