I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
