I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
