just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
