doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
