i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
