How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Quick, to the slutcave!
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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