my phone needs a breathalizer
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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