I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
