She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
