Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
