Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
