made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
