Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I just forgot I was standing up.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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