They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
