i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
