I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
