I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
