so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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