lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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