my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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